The Love of God

The Love of God, 2024

18" x 24"

Oil on canvas

I closed my eyes tight and allowed the sounds of worship to wrap around me like a warm blanket. It was my first time at the Oasis. This particular church was new to me but the presence of my Father was not. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was transported to a place I knew very well - His throne room. The warm darkness of the backs of my eyelids was soothing. There is something about closing my eyes that always helps me bring my focus back to what’s most important - Him. Whenever I am struggling to quiet the noise of my emotions and wrangle my wandering thoughts this always does the trick. I leave behind all my concerns. I no longer worry about what happened that morning, or what happens next, my clothing choices for that day, whether I’m singing on key or not, or if I hit that note correctly (or what the nice people around me may be thinking of how I hit that note) … etc., etc. Instead, I focus on the sound. I hear the sound of my breath, I hear the sound of my voice and I remember that they are for Him. The voices of those around me blend and become one beautiful chorus. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It’s just me and Him. On this particular Sunday, I was overwhelmed with all the “newness”; new place, new worship songs, even new brothers and sisters. My mind was also still very troubled by all that had transpired at my old church… all those things which necessitated me coming to rest at the Oasis. So I closed my eyes. I focused on the feeling of His presence. I imagined His face before me. 

When the Oasis worship team had begun that Sunday, things were a little rocky. It was as though everyone was playing a different song. Each individual was playing at a different pace and singing in a different key. Simply put - they were individuals. But in one magic moment, God flipped the switch and the Holy Spirit brought them together as one. I smiled to myself and thanked God. I know the feeling of that divine assist from being on the other side of the stage, “God you are good! Thank You, Lord.” I breathed a sigh of relief and delighted in how my voice blended together with all the others. My song joined with theirs and, together, our song joined with all the angels. We became the chorus of Heaven and Earth, praising the King of Kings. 

It was in this place of worship (in the presence of my Father, not in the physical location of the strip-mall) that I experienced a powerful vision. God had been ramping up visions for me in the months leading up to this moment. In hindsight, I think He may have been training me, acclimating me. He has shown me things in the Spirit in many different ways. I have “seen” things sometimes with my eyes closed, sometimes when they are open. Sometimes they manifest as concepts in my minds-eye, while other times they appear as distortions in the light overlaying the natural realm right in front of me. But this vision was something entirely different. This was a whole new level. I didn’t “see” this vision so much as experience it. I felt it. I lived it and it was as real as sitting here on my bed typing to you now. 

I was comfortably lost in the warm darkness of worship when all of a sudden I felt myself floating. Somehow I was no longer standing, but lying on my back peacefully floating on the surface of a large body of water. The water was completely calm and I stretched my arms wide - totally relaxed. I could feel my entire body breathe a deep sigh of relief. I love the water and this place was so blissfully peaceful. I felt the warm rays of the sun shining on my face and, though my eyes were closed, I knew that the water was a beautiful deep blue. 

The act of floating in swimming is one of the first things you learn; the ability to relax and allow your body’s own buoyancy to do the work. Conceptually, it is a simple thing to float, however, it does require surrender. Not everyone likes the idea of tipping their head back into the water and laying stretched out prone, completely vulnerable. I remembered learning to float and being told by my mother that this position was the best place to come in the event of an emergency.  There is no struggling and kicking in floating. It requires very little physical effort so it is the best way to conserve your energy should you find yourself stranded and awaiting rescue. “Wait, am I floating for fun or am I waiting to be rescued? Where am I?” I opened my eyes and looked over to my right. I extended my gaze past my fingers and surveyed the horizon. “Hmm, no land. Perhaps on the other side,” I thought to myself. I then turned to my left and scanned the horizon on that side for signs of a shore. “Wow, no land over here either. I must be really far out there!” 

The absence of a shore should have really bothered me but it didn’t. As I said, I love to swim and floating is such a peaceful feeling. It wasn’t until I considered the depth that I began to become concerned. “I wonder how deep this water is?” Almost as soon as the thought entered my mind I knew the answer. An awareness came upon me in that instant. I didn’t need to look to know that this water was incredibly DEEP, and in point of fact, there was no bottom! “Wait a minute, I can’t touch the bottom and I can’t even see any land! Where am I? Am I lost at sea?!” My mind raced and tried to grapple with the idea of being out in the middle of such a vast expanse. I then realized that a layer of water was completely covering my face as well! I hadn’t noticed before because the water covering my face was so bright and clear I just thought it was the sunshine. 

My logical mind kicked in and an intense panic struck my heart. With one massive gasp my body instinctively tensed and held its breath. “You can’t breathe, you’re going to drown!” It was in this moment of panic, as I was pursing my lips together and holding my breath for dear life, that I felt a voice say: “breathe. This is not natural water. BREATHE!” Despite how counterintuitive this instruction was, I complied. I exhaled the little bit of stale air in my lungs that I had been clinging on to for dear life and, with one gigantic inhale, drew in a deep breath of the bright water. “I’m alive! I can breathe this water! The voice was right, this isn’t natural water - it’s LIVING WATER!” And then it all made sense. The water had no width, it had no depth, it had no height it just went on and on. It could not be measured and it was all around me. There was no land because this was no ocean - it was the love of God! My heart raced with excitement as I realized this was it! This was the desire that Paul described in his prayer to the Ephesians:

“I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17b-19 (CSB).

I was floating in the LOVE OF GOD! It was all around me, holding me up, and now it was inside me, filling me up, and flooding my entire being with every breath.